nomosshere:

(via reasonstohatecommunists)

“We’ll go through the gate. If the gate’s closed, we’ll go over the fence. If the fence is too high, we’ll pole vault in. If that doesn’t work, we’ll parachute in. But we’re going to get health care reform passed for the American people”….Nancy Pelosi….My response to Grandma Botox to follow.

What follows contains just a bit of profanity and somewhat disturbing content…..just saying that if you want to go back I would do so…..now.

The following is a public service announcement and response to Nancy Pelosi’s above statement:
Really Nancy…Really?
I mean have you ever had occasion to climb a fence? 

Have you perchance taken a pole and used it to as you say Vault?

In fact have you at any point in your life donned a chute and hurled yourself from the yawning maw of an open door at five thousand feet?

Let me educate you to a few facts you marrow sucking ancient bag of wrinkled sun dried warthog scrotum…..

You climb my fence you will most likely find yourself inhaling the sweet, but slightly acidic aroma of federal 12 gauge as it enters your naval cavities and peals your over pealed scalped off your surgically hacked and manipulated skull.

You take a pole and attempt to pole vault in to my sand box you may in fact experience a very unpleasant felling of having said pole inserted in your dust farting ahole and worked skyward until it breaks through one of the receptacles that houses your perpetually bug eyed and power crazed optical orbs.

If you should get all paratrooper and attempt to float like a butterfly into my sphere of influence be warned. I will make sure that when you land you find yourself in a small pool occupied by twelve 18 foot long Louisianan gators who haven’t tasted chicken flesh in nine months and a retarded dwarf member of the taliban who will introduce you to a certain sex act that unfortunately for him was the source of his very recent case of anally contracted gonorrhea.

In other words fuck the hell off you stupid bitch.

Door Number 3

Those of a certain age will recall hours watching Let’s Make a Deal as a child. Well, if not watching it directly, absorbing it in the background.

One of the fundamental constructs of the show was for Monty Hall to present the contestant with a fairly good prize, like a pair of minibikes, revealed behind Door Number 1. There was usually a booby prize behind another door, and there was a fucking awesommus prize behind a third door. The contestant just did not know which of the remaining two doors held the awesummus. That’s when Monty would play to the contestant’s greed.

Now: take the pair of minibikes, which is yours right now! Or go for broke and try to guess which door hides the king hell trip to Switzerland!

You can’t con a person who ain’t greedy in the first place, they say. And you can’t buy off an American hausfrau swaddled in velour with a pair of farfuckity minibikes. As a child of six or eight or twelve I must confess I enjoyed the schadenfreude, watching a greedhead go down, and unwisely pick the booby prize. It was often a pair of goats, or a balsa wood gin-rickshaw, or something equally designed to let the contestant know, in no uncertain terms, that their greed had fucked them all up.

I look today at the people who voted for Obama, and wonder: how does it feel to buy a pig in a poke, and have it blow up in your face? You could have had a crusty old Arizonan. Not much to look at, but at least as exciting as a brace of minibikes. And minibikes are fun!

But no: you had to go for the trip to Switzerland. Not predicated on knowing it was behind Door Number 3, but because you hoped it was behind Door Number 3.

Now you want to blame the rest of us for not talking you into taking the minibikes. Because now you’re stuck with a pair of goats, and they’re already crapping on the floor.

You can’t con a person who ain’t greedy in the first place. And I am enjoying watching you hausfraus and bone heads writhe in your velour sad rags, sweeping up after the goats.

I wonder if there’s money to be made in velour straightjackets? I sense an uptick in that market.

http://www.velociworld.com/

—	Hans Hoffmann (via nihilnoetia) (via quantumpossibility) (via crashinglybeautiful)

jacknagel:

I am so sorry that you have to choose between Coakley and Brown.

Don’t vote for Coakley just because Ted Kennedy was a Democrat. And don’t vote for Brown just to stick it to the Democrats.

In other words, the above poster, in his brilliant analysis, want’s you to sit there with your thumb up your ass, and pretend to to be as hip as he.

Mary Jo

H/T American Digest.

The River……………….

As loud as they will go would be good.